I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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