brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
