we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
