Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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