U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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