today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
