I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
