It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
