My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
