I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
