I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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