I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
