Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I would fuck him just for his dog
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
