I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
