I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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