he looks like a really good dad on facebook
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
