Swine flu. Run for my life!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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