Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
