does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
