I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So squirting runs in the family.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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