I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
