Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
