I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
