I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
