are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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