I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just invented taco cereal.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
