i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize