You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
