While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize