Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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