I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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