you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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