erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
