So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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