So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
