i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
