He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
