Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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