brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
