Are we in a gay sports bar?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
