I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
