bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
