I think my fart just growled at me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
