i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
