I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
