Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
