You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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