just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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