Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
