What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
