glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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