I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
