Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
