Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
