I need help removing her.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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