Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
