i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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