For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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