Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
