We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
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Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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