doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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