I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
