If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
