Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
