I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
