I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night