Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
