She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
