Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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