i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
