He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
