i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
