And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
