Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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