She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
