My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
