Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
