I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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