I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
