the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
